I seek my own ‘grey balance’, for reasons that ruin my sleep, and dim my personal light.

I write this in hope that I will find my calm once again.

The italicised words are faucon’s and I thank him for the loan of them.

faucon offered A and B as choices… I add my C to the mix, because I am The One who travels the Spirit Road to the Goddess.

A) I’d better get all that I can for myself before it’s too late.

B)I’d better help as many people as I can because it’s too late.

C) It is my duty and honour to leave a legacy of love, and the voice of Hope, so it won’t be too late.

A) I should become politically active and try to improve things.

B) I’m never going to vote because it doesn’t make any difference.

C) I will vote my conscience, always hoping that it will make a difference.

A) I’ll operate as if everything I hear is mostly lies.

B) I’ll operate as if everything I hear has some truth.

C) I will seek the truth in everything I touch, not allowing lies to take root in my spirit.

A) I’ll make all decisions for myself because nobody cares.

B)I’ll make no decisions for myself because nobady cares.

C)I will choose my actions after meditating on the ripples they create in the flow of Life.

A) I’ll immerse myself in an organised religion because I don’t wish to think.

B) I’ll avoid all religious choices because I don’t wish to think.

C) I will carry my faith as a banner, to bring light to those who seek it.

A) Being average is good and safe.

B) Being average is bad and a form of genocide.

C) Average is an illusion of numbers, and bears no stigma or honour.

A) Sex will play no part in how I run my life.

B) Sex will control every part of my life.

C) Sex has but two facets, masculine and feminine; I am a synthesis of both and acknowledge that lovemaking is beautiful and personal.

A) I will support ecology programs because somebody has to.

B) I care nothing about ecological programs because it won’t make any difference.

C) I will practice ecological awareness and support ecological programmes, because, while I may be just a drop, I am part of a larger entity and with them we can make a difference.

A) I will go toHeaven because anything will be better than this.

B) I don’t believe in Hell because it is here now.

C) We make our own Heaven or Hell through our beliefs and actions. What we call ‘Heaven’ is our First Home, the birthplace of all spirits. ‘Hell’ is a creation to force obedience from people.

Even know that we are all a part of forever does not quiet the fear and worry. It eats at me like rats, and never stills. It is as though the those feelings are a cruel trap, that I cannot free myself from until I know the truth behind the questions.

“Do I have cancer?”

“Has it metastisised already?”

“How much stress will this create for my loved ones?”

The only question I don’t ask is if I can handle this, I know I have the strength, intelligence, wisdom, and imagination to survive this, and continue to thrive.